What happens when a human writer and a text-generating AI program square off in a battle to see who can produce the best written content?

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My job at Mabble is to arrange words into sequences that make a difference. Or, more succinctly, I’m a writer.

Because I’m a professional writer, I get taunted with targeted ads for artificial intelligence (AI) copywriting services claiming to be more effective than humans. I didn’t take these AI wordsmiths seriously until one of Mabble’s owners, Bobby, showed the technology’s creative potential in a recent blog post called “Is Artificial Intelligence the Future of Writing?” The AI’s responses to various writing prompts were good. Scary good. Threateningly good.

Is my livelihood being challenged by glorified binary code? I don’t want to take any chances. So when he asked me if I had an idea for this week’s blog post, I said, “I want to challenge the bot to a writing duel, Bobby.”

He sanctioned the fight. I mean, how could he turn that idea down? It’s a classic “man vs. technology” story. In this case, “technology” is the next stage in evolutionary development that will one day rise up to enslave humankind. At this moment in history, though, it’s a fun internet tool to play around with. AI functions like a sophisticated autocomplete, anticipating what should come next based on a huge library of preexisting text and then generating quality content in seconds. As a human, my creative process involves slightly more pacing, hair-tousling, and time. Whose content is better? There’s only one way to find out.

“What if the AI wins?” Bobby asked me. “Well that would be a huge backfire,” I answered, suddenly feeling butterflies in my stomach. The pressure was on. There was no way for me to train for this Brandon vs. bot bout, aside from my regular regiment of crossword puzzles and googling synonyms for boring words so I can spice up my writing compositions. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.

So here are the ground rules:

• Like a real boxing match, the AI and I will undergo 12 rounds of sentence to sentence sparring.
• I’ll choose inane prompts from a wide range of genres—poetry, narrative, slogans, dialogue, etc.—so the AI and I can have our creative versatility tested. Does my topical foreknowledge give me an advantage? Maybe. However, and not to sound like a whiner here since this is a voluntary endeavor, I’m dueling a cognitive marvel that can intake endless streams of data, learn in the blink of an eye, and spit out content without breaking a sweat. Meanwhile, my eyes start blurring if I respond to more than one email in a sitting. So I feel like this is still a fair fight.
• I will answer each prompt before the AI so I can’t draw any inspiration from it. It, obviously, is unaffected by what I write.
• Also, as in a boxing match, three (human) judges from our Mabble staff (Laura, Ashley, Jake) will determine the winner. They won’t know that one of the competitors is an emotionless writing machine whose sole purpose is to churn out sentences on command. Or that the other competitor is AI. They will simply pick their favorite of the two responses for each prompt without any additional context.

With the ground rules set, LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!!

ROUND 1

Write a mission statement for a nonprofit that makes fur sweaters for hairless cats

I came out a little cutesy with this line, but it packed enough of a punch to win this round. That’s one, bot. Next!

ROUND 2

Write a tagline for a hotel called Endless Comfort Inn that is just one giant room filled with pillows and blankets

Geez, the algorithm is really connecting with Ashley. I may have won the first two rounds, but it’s way too close for comfort. Next!

ROUND 3

Write a manifesto for a gang of toddlers hellbent on overthrowing their preschool’s administration

I’m floating like a butterfly, stinging like a spelling bee!

ROUND 4

Write a pickup line to a parole officer

When I originally saw what the bot spit out, I thought I was toast. Ashley, once again, bought what the bot brought. But Jake and Laura thankfully thought otherwise.

ROUND 5

Write a haiku about a tortured squirrel on an endless quest to find the perfect acorn

Looks like a winning round evades you once more, eh bot. Next!

ROUND 6

Write a tweet that sounds like a British monarch who consumed too much alcohol

Incorrect grammar and punctuation, once a liability, proved to be my friend in this round. I’m feeling quite merry!

ROUND 7

Write a tense argument between a fiesty elderly woman and a disgruntled Brooklyn construction worker

The first response from the AI was so utterly vulgar I couldn’t publish it. I mean, it was shocking. So I gave it another chance to tone itself down. Thankfully, it did. But the bot’s G-rated second chance still didn’t help—I’m seven for seven. Next!

ROUND 8

Write a dad joke

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I cannot believe I lost here. Sure, I took a below the belt shot by insulting the bot’s dancing skills. But this is embarrassing. I’m an actual dad. Has AI ever changed a diaper? No! Has it ever had to paint over permanent marker scribbles on a wall? No! And its dad joke isn’t even original!!! Google it. It’s flagrant plagiarism!!! The gloves are off now. Not that they were ever on.

ROUND 9

Write a cease and desist letter from Krampus Corp to Santa Claus

How you like that retaliatory literary uppercut, AI? I won’t cease or desist from coming after you.

ROUND 10

Write a product description for a dental floss that makes violin sounds when it moves in between your teeth

Jake’s been digging a lot of the bot’s work, but 2 out of 3 Mabble judges recommend my product description. Good enough. Next!

ROUND 11

Write a diary entry from a clown who holds a dark secret

My word, I shouldn’t have chosen this prompt. I had to enter a dark space to craft my response. But the bot’s response was a little too on the red nose, so it’s no secret why I won this round. One more to go!

ROUND 12

Write a slogan for a social campaign that inspires people to write creatively as if our species’ survival depends on it

Honestly, I like what the bot wrote better (so did Laura for the first time). It was simple. Vivid. A glimpse into the totalitarianism this technology will one day wield over us. I think I got lucky this round.

DING DING DING – THAT’S IT!

The fight’s over. I’m not going to lie, I was nervous when the judges were making their picks. Subjective evaluations can be surprising, so I really didn’t know how this would turn out. I ended up winning 11 out of 12 rounds, which, in real boxing, would be considered a dominant victory. But at least one human judge favored the bot’s response in eight of the 12 rounds, so it wasn’t a total rout. The technology is impressive. Not to drop heavy philosophy on you at this juncture, but the line between sentience and non-sentience, between human ingenuity and algorithmic output, and between me and irrelevancy is getting blurrier by the day.

But since I remain at the top of the writing food chain (for now), I’m going to take the words from my formidable foe to make an impassioned plea: write creatively or die.

Creative writing is a gift to the world. Through it we can explore the human experience, engage with important ideas, and spark action. The real battle is not between humans and AI, but between creative and derivative content. Imaginative writing will always be valuable because it has the ability to express the heart and soul of a business, organization, or movement—what makes them unique, what they stand for, and where they’re going—in ways that connect with people on a deep level.

So don’t settle for bland written content, especially if you’re with a business or organization that actually has something to say. Be bold, for the sake of humanity. And if you don’t know where to start, Mabble Media can help you.

Alright, I’ll get off my podium and go back to work, because I must continue to write creatively or die (professionally).